Untitled
by Zerovk
Summary: If I were to write a book about our story , the title would be " Untitled " . kaze kanamexzero kxz
1. Chapter 1

If I were to write a book about our story , the title would be " untitled " .

It's just that our love couldn't make it.

It wasn't meant to survive .

Day by day , our conversations grew less and less .

We didn't have anything to talk about . We didn't have anything to do together . It was almost like we forgot how to be together ..

I don't know how .. All of a sudden , like a curse . And the strangest of all is that I still love him and I know he still loves me .

A paradox ..

It's not that I had to leave him because some bad guys were chasing after me and I feared he would get involved in the whole mess .

It wasn't because we fought 24/7 or had different opinions .

It wasn't because we weren't compatible .

It wasn't because of an external factor that forced us to part ways either .

It wasn't like he had to travel abroad and the idea of long-distance relationship did not appeal to us .

It just sort of happened .

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	2. Chapter 2

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This fic is dedicated to each and every relationship out there , be it friendship or love or family bond , that got shattered for no concrete reason .

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An all so familiar cafe , where which we occupied a table .

" I never wanted or meant for things to escalate this way .. " he trailed off and I kept silent , never meeting his gaze .

 _I know ._

" But .. " He took a deep breath , preparing himself for the dreadful words I knew were coming next .

" Maybe It's for the best .. we need to break up.. "

Who said I needed so ?

I nearly choked on thin air , unable to process it.

Even though I have always expected such ending , I was never quite prepared for how it feels .

I was forced on a mental war as his words evoked conflicting emotions deep inside my heart .

I wanted so bad to plead him with my tears but I found myself staring at my folded hands resting on my lap , staying tight-lipped instead .

Maybe I wanted to hide my crestfallen expression , the overflowing despair and disappointment I felt at that moment .

I was starting to get worried they would freely pour out of my eyes and I would have to scatter to the ground , collecting them , afraid people would witness such vulnerable side of me.

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~ ? ~  
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It was raining heavily , I thought , my eyes glued to the sight outside . In such weather , any sane person would normally seek shelter , sticking to home , a blanket draped over them and a mug of hot chocolate in their hands , giving them warmth .

But I was in no condition to be considered " sane " .

I grabbed my heavy coat and keys before rushing out like a bright sunny day was waiting for me .

It was freezing but I wanted it.

I wanted the cold breeze to hit my senses , ruthless , relentless , merciless .

Numb , I wanted to feel that as well.

A shaky breath rippled It's way out of my lungs.

Human beings are strange .

One moment they feel hunger , the other they cannot stand the idea of eating.

One moment they yearn so bad for something but once they get it , that same thing magically starts losing its prior potential to intrigue them .

one moment , they love with every being in them , the other they watch the same love wither before their eyes , like it never meant a thing.

A love so deep , its end is drowning.

Only then did I understand those words.

Missing you comes in waves tonight and am .. drowning.

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	3. Chapter 3

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A bullet would have hurt less ..

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What if you get to the point where " fake " is what first comes to mind when you think of love , and not just in a romantic sense .What if such emotion feels foreign now that you can't imagine yourself loving someone genuinely and by the same token , you will never allow yourself to believe someone genuinely loves you , as a friend , family member or anyone ..What if ?

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When Zero finally decided to get out of his cocoon and work on a song with king records , he was in for a surprise , in the least of terms . Because now standing in front of him is the very reason why he curled himself in a cocoon to begin with .Their eyes met briefly , too brief to scan each other's whole figure after so much time has passed .

 _Of course_ .. They both cursed inwardly for not seeing that coming . A songwriter and a singer .. what are the odds ?

As minutes dragged by , many other people piled in , crowding the room and thankfully acting as a distraction . However , Takamiya kaito , the founder of King records , assumed that they didn't personally know each other so he made it his job to do just that .

It was awkward and hurried but kaito noticed the feeling of unease coating the air and recognition swirling in both of their eyes . He couldn't help but ask if they knew each other . To which he got a simple but concise response ." We do . " They both said , unwilling to disclose any more information regarding that matter .

Luckily , kaito took the hint and decided to get to work .

Rigid and tense , that's how the ex lovers spent the first five minutes or so until the need to act professional forced them to focus on more pressing matters . Soon enough , they were working in a more relaxed manner and almost forgot about their unexpected barging in each other's lives once again . Until kaname announced he would be leaving .

Apparently , Zero's mind had yet to realize the fact when kaname takes his leave , he no longer implies that both of them are heading back home . Because he simply no longer existed in the equation .And now the silverette was standing , inwardly struggling for an excuse as belated realization hit him as hard as the questioning looks his colleagues had been giving him ever since he stood up , unconsciously making a fool of himself .

They didn't voice it out but their perplexed stares did that on their behalf . _Where are you going ?_ That must have been the silent question running in all of their heads .

kaname obviously noticed the younger's inner turmoil and took no time to interfere ." Zero , you said you had something to tell me in private . " Came the rescue ..However , Zero recalled no such thing and his innocent expression showed nothing but surprise . He obviously had not said such thing , that much they could tell .

 _Smells like a cover up_ , they all thought suspiciously , wondering about the kind of relationship those two had . Nervously , the silver haired young man sent a sheepish smile to everyone present and rushed after kaname who was smart enough to step out of the room before people got even more suspicious of the whole situation .

As soon as they were alone and out of the building , Zero yelled " What are you doing ? Not letting me move on yet not getting back together .. What's it that you want ? I don't take pleasure in such game of yours . "the younger was seething and didn't bother hiding it . His tone , gesture and facial features joined forces - caught in the middle of a war he wished was not his to fight - . He did not appreciate the fact the brunette helped him like that - earlier - .

" Neither do I ! Plus it's not a game . I hope you are not ignorantly thinking that you are the only one hanging on thin air . In case you didn't notice , I haven't moved on either ! " kaname snapped back , unconsciously admitting what he should have never revealed . You can't blame him though . Who would be able to think straight after meeting their ex lover so suddenly ?

The songwriter let out a scoff-like chuckle , averting his eyes elsewhere , before proceeding to give the other a piece of his mind .What kaname just said made no sense at all . How dare he make it look like he was a victim as well when he was the one to end it all between them !" In case you forgot , the one deciding to break up was none other than you ! " Zero exclaimed as he pointed accusing fingers towards the elder .

" And you didn't Fight it ! " the normally cool singer fumed up , realizing a little too late that in the middle of their blame game , he ended up making his own excuse fire back at him .Instantly , Zero's violet eyes widened at the sudden yell and the hidden meaning of the words directed at him altogether .

" Wh .. What ? " Confused , he stuttered and shook his head softly .The brunette winced , already imagining the barrage of accusations Zero was gonna throw at him .

 _Too late now .._ He had slipped with his tongue and nothing could change that .God !He was never gonna hear the end of it .

Brilliant !

He had screwed up . Royally !

" Was it all a game to you ? Proposing we break up just to test my reaction ? " The silverette paused long enough to retrieve his scattered thoughts and dispersed emotions but not enough to allow the other time to respond .

" What kind of level did you steep to ? " Utter disbelief coating his voice , Zero eyed kaname 's figure as if trying to come up with an answer , a plausible one . He even took a step back , feeling betrayed as the old scars opened anew , so fresh it stung .

But he wasn't the only one hurting .

A flicker of sadness and disappointment rippled in kaname's eyes as he retorted back " What kind of level did YOU steep to , to think of me that lowly ? ".

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 _Impeccable white snow covered the windows and every inch it could reach , making everything feel snow soft and mysteriously pure . Layers and layers of snow blanketed the streets , every inch , shelf and roof , painting the perfect Christmas-like picture - ._

 _The snow , Like a possessively desperate lover going out of their way to make sure their beloved never left them , allowed no one and nothing , the way out once buried ._ _Simply put , once buried . You are buried for good ._

 _The gentle Breeze flew past trees , making them shift back and forth , only to turn into powerful wind gushing by , its sound fading in and out , filling the city with a distant cold echo ._

 _A Pleasant scenery .. On the outside, that is ._

 _Zero was on the phone speaking to one of his friends , more like complaining about how freezing cold it was ._ " _Yea ! It's biting cold here . I'm nearly freezing ! " As soon as he said that , a pair of warm hands cradled his whole being , all of a sudden ._ _He couldn't help but lean in , appreciating the sudden yet welcomed warmth emitting from his lover ._

He sat curled on the sofa , gazing at the furnace and soon found himself trapped , walking down the memory lane .He had been craving warmth but now it merely felt as though an extra heat , draped over his shoulders , neck and entire being , almost suffocating him in its vice like grip . He couldn't help the dark twist of emotions invading his heart , making it lurch and nearly rot at the now bittersweet memory .

A weak smile etched itself on his face as he ruefully recalled such times . other than that , he showed no sign of grief .How long has it been ? Weeks ? Months ? A year ? He wasn't sure but it felt like a lifetime since they .. broke up . It still left a bitter aftertaste , much to his chagrin .

Shivering as he longed for the lost sensations , the tender touch , the forgotten warmth , Zero curled himself in a ball , burying his face in his knees . After which , he silently wept .So lonely .. He felt like someone had just shoved daggers in his heart , mercilessly impaling so deep it actually felt so real that he panted , feeling everything in his being clamoring for his lover as hot tears flowed down his face painfully slow , like the act itself demanded so much of the energy he didn't even have . It stung terribly , in every single aspect .Who knew that the wheel of fate would spin and they would end up crossing paths again ..

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kaname walked down the hallway of King records , with another guy called Jiho .

They headed to the soda can machine to bring refreshments for the whole staff .

Out of kindness , kaname offered to go but secretly , he needed some fresh air away from his ex lover . How was he supposed to act for the love of Lucifer ? A groan next to him attracted his attention .

kaname turned his head and looked at Jiho questioningly .

The guy spoke up , explaining " Oh man . I can't find what Zero wanted me to get him .He needed some ice tea or something . Oh well . I will just get him this one . " Jiho reached for a flavor Zero hated but he didn't know that . Only kaname did .

" No ! " the brunette exclaimed , preventing the other from reaching the can . Startled and confused , Jiho shrugged , not knowing where he'd gone wrong .

Before he could ask though , kaname dropped another flavor in the bag , mumbling " This will do . " He soon reprimanded himself , and inwardly face palmed .

One of those days , people were going to find out .because of how obvious he was being . But really . he couldn't just let the guy get Zero a flavor he hated . Could he ?

When they got back to the studio , the brunette singer started handing everyone their drinks whilst Jiho handed the other half , including a certain silver haired songwriter . The pout on the silverette's face as he realized it was not his favorite flavor made an unconscious smile creep its way to kaname's lips . _At least it was not something he hated_.

Thankfully , that Jiho guy didn't end up revealing how kaname helped him pick up another flavor for Zero . The brunette definitely needed no more awkwardness with the younger . Yea , they were doing a good job pretending nothing was wrong and all . But that didn't mean they were back to normal either or comfortable enough to have long conversations . Any , in fact ..

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Noise , crowds , disco lights .. kaname made his way to his friend , the bartender , and ordered his favorite .You may ask why ? What brings him here ? Why drink ? And you wouldn't get a solid answer , just a shrug and pursed lips curling downwards .

kaname didn't know why exactly he felt the need to go and drink . Maybe it had all crashed down on him at once .. or maybe the tremendous effort he put in work finally took a toll on him that he needed a respite from it .. or maybe he just wanted to feel numb for few hours , stop thinking about a certain silverette songwriter and let loose all the emotions he normally couldn't in front of the people he knew .

He , however , was soon snapped out of his thoughts as he heard an extremely loud crash accompanied people shouting and a colorful stream of profanities resonating about the whole place . _That is too loud , even for a bar_ , kaname thought absently . It was then that he realized he was in fact halfway gone , drank too much .

" Hey , man . what's that about ? " He turned his head and asked akihiro , the bartender . " It's that guy again , Haruka kuran . He has a bad reputation - women , drug abuse , fights - , you name it , causes troubles every time and ends up storming his way outside lest he gets kicked out . "

kaname turned his head to the crowd and tried to follow akihiro's line of sight and see who that haruka was .

" I have always thought he looked quite familiar and now I know why . you guys share a lot of similarities , kaname . "

The one being addressed narrowed his eyes , trying to take a good look at the guy and found out that indeed , he resembled him . kaname's eyebrows shot up in amusement at that , but then the alcohol got to him and he found himself dizzy , vision blurring . He faintly realized the fact his friend was talking to him but none of the words seemed to register in his fogged up brain .

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The next day , kaname woke up feeling delirious but was relieved to see he was home . Akihiro must have helped him out . Rubbing his face sluggishly , kaname sighed and spent few more minutes just sitting on the bed before finally getting up .He got himself a sprite bottle to ease the hangover effects and prepared a simple breakfast - toast and fried eggs - for two . Wait what ?

For tw-

" Fuck ! " kaname slammed a hand on the counter and the other on his forehead .

His mind insisted - out of routine - to do just that , to make him prepare breakfast for two and remind him of that which he could no longer have .

Staring at the food as if it was the one to blame , he sighed deeply and rubbed his temple then grabbed the plates and went to the living room , flopped down on the couch and decided the television would no doubt brighten his mood . which turned out just fine since it distracted him enough to make him unconsciously eat despite his previously bitter mood .

And before he knew it , kaname realized the rest of the day has passed by with him either spacing out , sleeping or simply doing nothing productive . A wave of boredom and loneliness surged through his being at the thought .

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 _Boredom and loneliness , a monster lurking in the shadows tearing you up from the inside out_ . Zero concluded .

 _It was about two weeks ago that his world came crumbling down over his head and he was left to nurse the pain of being abandoned for no solid reason ._

 _He had been locking himself in his apartment ever since , trying to process the fact he was really single . That's how he ended up scrolling past the posts he saved on Facebook until he reached 2001 .._ _The number felt like an arrow shot straight to his heart .._ _He inched closer to his laptop screen and kept staring at the number , vision blurring in the process ._

 _A bitter chuckle cut through the silence ._ _How lonely must he have been to end up going that far ?_ _How come he had nothing else to do ?_ _That was not the first time he caught himself deep in a world of pain and loneliness . He could still remember the time he found himself clutching his backpack too tight as if seeking comfort from it ._

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Sighing at the state he was reduced to , kaname decided to take a walk . But he definitely didn't expect chancing upon such scene as he strolled down the mall . His mood that he just managed to improve few minutes before instantly darkened as he took in the scene in front of him .

A very familiar silverette together with another familiar brown haired guy sat on a table , having a date as it seemed . kaname seethed . It was that guy he saw in the bar the day before , Haruka kuran , sitting with Zero and shamelessly wiping his thumb on the silverette's sauce - stained lips . kaname knew Zero wouldn't just let anyone do that unless .. unless it was his boyfriend . The realization hit him like a goddamn punch in the gut . .

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Boyfriend ?

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Zero got himself a new boyfriend ? and who ? a player and a troublemaker .. He wanted so much to go there , punch the hell out of that haruka , yell at him to scat and tell Zero everything . kaname knew what he saw . The day before , that guy had a girl clinging to him the whole time and he wasn't fighting it . on the contrary , he was encouraging her. Put plainly , he was cheating on Zero !

 _Are you sure that's the only reason you want him to break up with haruka ?_

 _Or is it because you can't stand the idea of him dating another ?_ A voice in the back of his mind quipped .

Should he tell Zero later ? Or would it be better if he never got himself involved with the silver haired songwriter again ? After all , it's none of his business who the silverette dated .

Unbeknownst to him , a certain silverette's gaze landed on kaname . The first emotion to show on Zero's face was utter surprise . Having kaname witness his date with haruka felt oddly wrong . Why though ? Did he really want the brunette to believe he was still single so he could make a move on him ?

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One day , haruka went to Zero's apartment and spent time there , like usual , but he knew the night would be different . He was starting to get seriously attracted to the silverette and wanted to confront him about it . He also wanted to confess and ask for forgiveness .

They were sitting on the couch , almost cuddling , until haruka took things a little too far and nearly undressed Zero , who shied away instantly . Deep inside , the silverette felt horrified by his own actions .

Why ? Why couldn't he let haruka proceed further ?

" I.. Zero , I'm sorry . I know we agreed not to but .. I can't help feeling attracted to you . Give us a chance ." haruka pleaded , trying to take the other's hands in his and convey his feelings . But the silverette started shaking his head in disbelief and disapproval . He didn't want that . He didn't want a serious relationship .

Zero wasn't even paying attention to the elder's words because in that moment , he was in a world of his own . haruka though , was having none of it . He wanted Zero in every way possible and for that to happen , he needed to forge his way to the younger's heart and mind . It wasn't going to be easy though especially considering his playboy nature .

" Listen to me . I'm serious . That's why you must know I did .. cheat on you . But we can start anew , with no secrets . I have always been a player but no more . I'm being honest with you , Zero . " Laughing in pure misery , the younger fought to compose himself . He didn't feel betrayed at all and that was .. odd . Even now I can only think of how it would have been like if it was kaname talking to me , asking for forgiveness ..

" No , haruka . It's not your fault .. Anyone would do that and I won't be bothered . " After few minutes , the silver haired younger finally responded in a calm , albeit broken tone . The elder blinked , confused .

He and Zero have both agreed to date just to forget past relationships .

They have agreed to be comfortable around each other to help one another forget but with no actual love , no sleeping . Until just now , he made his move advancing on Zero , suddenly saying he wanted to take things seriously and cornered the unsuspecting silverette who found himself frozen at such escalation .

Zero didn't know why but he had no , - no and once more no - Feelings for the guy . When he first agreed to be haruka's boyfriend , he did it for two reasons ; to forget kaname and convince himself he could go on . _Yea . that' why you chose someone who shares a great resemblance with him ._ Something inside him mocked .

Why couldn't he feel anything for haruka ?

Because he really didn't have romantic feelings towards him or was it because the guy wasn't kaname ?

If him not being kaname was the reason then no matter how much Zero tried to move on and dated 100000 others , a certain brunette would still occupy his mind , heart and life . And if that was the case , he was doomed , pretty terribly doomed at that . No.. That was not gonna happen . He would make sure of it . kaname was not allowed in his life ever again .

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	4. Chapter 4

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It has been a few moments since kaname arrived at the studio and started chatting randomly with Zero who had on an uninterested look the whole time . The silverette was sitting on the ground and leaning on the wall of the studio , working on the lyrics of a song .

" We both know we are far past the point of leading this conversation .. Why are you here ? " the younger suddenly accused . It was well known that only Zero occupied the studio that time of the day and so it wasn't exactly hard figuring out that kaname did intend to talk and wasn't just passing by as he claimed he was .

On the other hand , kaname didn't know why but the younger sure seemed hostile all of a sudden . He couldn't even start guessing why . The last time they met , everything was going fairly smooth . Why now ? he had hoped they were making progress as friends ..

Who knows . they may end up being the first ex couple to ever defy the all too popular belief ( friends to lovers yea but lovers to friends , impossible )

Could it be ? Was Zero already in a bad mood or did he have a feeling that the topic the elder came to discuss would not be to his liking ?

Well , it made sense . After all , if the silverette knew kaname came here to tell him that his new boyf- .. that thing , was cheating on him and quite shamelessly at that , the younger would surely not appreciate hearing it from his ex of all people .

It was some time later , after kaname witnessing the date , that Zero deliberately introduced Haruka to his ex lover . It took the brunette everything in him not to jump on that haruka guy and strangle him .

" I saw him the other day but I didn't know he was going out with you . He was having fun with a girl . " the singer decided to go straight to the point , referring to the disco night .Time ticked by painfully awkward .

kaname could hear the sound of the fan moving , fading in and out . He was being ignored .. by the last person he wanted to .. sweet .. What was even sweeter was Zero's following words .

" I don't concern myself with your personal affairs , kuran . " Cold and almost emotionless , Zero stated . _And I suggest you do_ _the same_ . As unspoken as it was , kaname could already catch the message the younger had not bothered to audibly convey .

" He is using you ! " The elder had tried to make it sound casual . However , he ended up terribly sounding more like a jealous lover than a concerned friend .

" It's not called using If I already know all about his game . " Zero simply revealed , still leaning on the mirrored wall of the studio , a stack of papers resting on his lap .

Moments of disbelief passed by before kaname finally spoke up again , his tone something in between disbelief , questioning and confirming it out .

" You are letting yourself get used ? " The elder concluded , eyes narrowed , utter astonishment evident on his expression , tone and whole figure .

" No . In fact , I'm using him just as much as he thinks he is ' using me ' as you so delicately put it . If anything , I'm the only one using people here . " Clarified Zero , getting rapidly annoyed as he stood up and made to leave but then realized he had to say something else .

" And , kuran .. " He stood by the door and trailed off , sending the other a cold look .

" Do us all a favor and stop it with this so called friendship charade . Trust me , It's getting you nowhere . " He added solemnly and left .

He didn't bother to correct kaname's information , that haruka told him the truth , asked for forgiveness and a serious relationship . Simply because it was none of the elder's business .

About five minutes later , rushed footsteps echoed about the nearly vacant corridor but yori noticed none of it . She was still bending down seemingly unable to process the fact the paper she held so dearly seconds ago in great shape , intact and straight now got reduced to shards of white pieces littering the tiled floor .

" Did Zero come here ? " Came a decent looking kaname ( as usual ) , albeit having a hard time warring against his own emotions , panicking and feeling anxious deep inside .

Nodding , she answered " yea . Looking thoroughly pissed off , I may add . "

She still couldn't believe that the said silverette ripped the paper apart when she beamed at him , bragging about her worthwhile efforts , coming up with a title for the song .

" Look ! It is clear that whenever you two are a considerable distance away or close , there has to be a wave of intense tension accompanying the air . tension of what sort ? I m not in the slightest bit interested . I kept telling myself it's none of my business . However , when your chaotic encounters go as far as costing me so much as the butt-flattening hours I spent on that goddamn chair working my ass off then hell yeah . It is actually my business and I have every right to interfere regarding whatever it is going on between you guys ! "

After that outburst , she dragged kaname to where Zero was and started complaining about her work . " Since it's your fault , you two are to work on choosing a title for the song instead of the ones you tore apart . "

At first , the silver haired male tried to bail out , but quickly realized it was indeed his fault . However , he had a right to be angry after that conversation with the elder .

Speaking of which .." Fine .. But not with him . I can't stand being in the same place with him . " Zero agreed on one condition .

Confused , sayori frowned deeply . then and as she let her gaze fall over kaname , she noticed how the younger's harsh words affected him .

" Zero , you went too far . " She nudged him and signaled towards the said brunette .

" Look at his pained expression . " She whispered , trying not to cause the singer any more discomfort .But the silverette only ended up doing the exact opposite .

" Hah ? Don't make me laugh . Do you really think that someone like kuran is actually capable of wearing a pained expression , much less feel insulted by anyone's words ?! "

It was a rhetorical question meant to add insult to injury and a certain songwriter was truly enjoying every moment of it too much he didn't even bother to hide it .

If anything , kaname felt dejected hearing those words come out of Zero of all people especially since the younger knew his words were nothing but a big fat ass lie . the younger knew - like the back of his hand - that Kuran kaname was very much capable of getting hurt . However , the fact zero had allowed himself to say it out loud and in front of others meant he , not only knew but also planned to fully exploit that knowledge to the max . his words weren't mere remarks meant as a fleeting insult induced by anger or whatsoever . his words had a very clear purpose , a message . _I know I'm hurting you , kaname . I mean it . This is not just a smart comeback to win an argument or have the last say in it . Back then I wouldn't have a heart to say such words but now I do . so deal with it ._

A person doesn't have to get his face wrinkled in agony , flinch or let out emotional gasps to be deemed in pain . kaname was in pain and shock , But showed none of it . Not only because he preferred to mask it . But because he truly didn't know how to express it with facial features , especially not in front of others .

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	5. Chapter 5

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A number of songwriters , singers and composers sat in a medium sized room furnished with tablet armchairs , all gathered to attend a class that was supposed to ' inspire ' them as quoted by instructor Kaito .

" I do not claim that after this class you will go out with 100% full inspiration but I dare any of you to say you would not benefit of it at all . " He spoke up as he paced around the table meant for him , briefly letting his eyes meet those of the ' students ' seated in front of him . Most of them were not interested nor impressed . _But they would , eventually ,_ he told himself .

" Inspiration management class . It's much the same as a stress management class . It's something I have come up with after careful observation and experience . "

Confidence practically radiating from him , the famous producer spoke up , recalling the time he first thought of starting such class . People nowadays have a hard time getting inspired in the middle of their busy and fast paced life . There's almost always no time for inspiration . He hated that and was determined to change it . A world with no beautiful lyrics , no meaningful words , no soul-touching music , no emotions , terrified him deeply . It would be so dull and he refused to live in such a world .

It's for that reason that he'd gathered his current team and was now standing before them saying such words , sharing his treasure .

His train of thoughts reaching its destination , Takimiya took a deep breath before lifting his chin up and talking once more ." A paradox it is . I have noticed , when I have obligation or when I shouldn't actually get distracted , I end up doing just that . I get motivated and inspired to do anything productive and entertaining at the same time , most importantly something I want to ! It's a matter of control , needing to have a say in it . "

Now that everyone started to listen attentively , he found himself smirking inwardly in satisfaction . That's it . Knew they were going to get interested eventually .

Now was not the time to brag about it though . He told himself and focused on his unscripted lesson ." Engaging in physical or mental obligations triggers that part in us . Whereas , when we already have a lot of free time , we get lazy because we know there's no need to prove anything and that we've all the time in the world . In other words , the brain switches to rest mood ( our previous obligations consume all of our energy , leaving us with little to no motivation to do anything else when we finally have a lengthy period of free time ) That's why we need to at least plan few tasks . Hell ! Even tidying up your room counts . When you satisfy an obligation , no matter how diminutive , you feel like you're allowed to reward yourself and do something you like . It's as if your inner self thinks ' okay , that's one job done now where is my time ? My preference ? My span of control ? My share ? Where is what makes me myself and not my obligations ?' "

Words after words escaped his mouth , effectively entrancing everyone with how eye-opening it was . Not only was his speech motivating , it was too beautiful to watch , the way he talked with so much passion sparkled in his eyes .

Unconsciously , the other occupants of the room started smiling as well , the same eye-sparkle passing on to them mirroring the producer's own . kaname and zero were no exception .

" Something else . Realistically , no matter how much you try to , you can't fill a cup that's already full . You either gotta stop filling it or risk spilling some of it . " kaito 's expression turned into a more casual one as he found himself leading the way to the end of his class .

"People need to empty their cups every once in awhile , to start a new . "

Something clicked . The two ex lovers went rigid at that .

Their hearts froze for a moment as both found themselves recalling a certain question that plagued their thoughts back then , just before they broke up .

they didn't know how or why , it just happened .

In that moment , the answer to that question hit them like a brick wall .

When the caramel haired producer said that , they both seemed to space out , thinking about it . they imagined the cup as their love . They had reached the climax of their relationship , the point where the line between love and hate blurred . which was exactly why they had to break up , had to empty the cup . So they could start anew .

However , and even though they both came to the same conclusion , the younger still choose to cling to his pride . He knew , deep inside , that he still loved the elder and it was more than obvious kaname still did too . But he couldn't just toss those months worth of loneliness away .

Still .. he found himself almost shedding tears at the knowledge that the problem all long wasn't the fact that they fell out of love , on the contrary . The problem was that they loved each other too much they couldn't possibly reach a level of love higher . After the climax , they dropped . Anything in excess is Harmful after all , even love .

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.

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That day , Zero came back home around the evening , to find Haruka there . Not only that . the infamous playboy had actually prepared a feast for him , a romantic one at that .

" Haruka .. " The silverette started . However , he could not find any words to say and so he ended up sighing as he turned around , facing the couch instead of the dining table , as if searching for something to say , anything to make the elder understand . He didn't want to be rude , especially as he noticed how the food seemed to be home cooked . It was admirable that someone like Haruka could put so much effort in kitchen for him . Not only that , the plates were served in a beautiful fashion , the rose-scented candles added a pleasant vibe to the whole picture , the red flowers in the vase looked fresh and stunning . Everything was made to perfection . the only thing missing was it being requited .

All of that romantic atmosphere clearly portrayed Haruka's love but Zero could not lie to himself and say he felt the same . the elder seemed to feel that . Which is why he quickly parted his lips to speak , hoping to change the silver haired male's opinion .

" Zero , just once , give me a chance . " the elder approached him , his tone sitting on the border between a plea and a command .The amount of honesty , determination and passion shining in the other male's eyes almost made Zero falter and give in . Almost .. But he couldn't , he wouldn't keep that game going on any longer , not when it meant hurting Haruka and taking advantage of his feelings . Not when the only reason he nearly gave his 'okay' was because of that determination reminding him of the time kaname first confessed to him .

Besides , if his memory served him right , the last time they met , he'd clearly told the elder he was not in love with him nor will he ever be .

" All of this effort .. what if I didn't come back home , ha ? " It seemed like a lame excuse but really .. why would someone do so much without even making sure it wouldn't go to waste ? When there was a great chance of the one you have worked so hard to surprise had other plans ? or had no intention of going back home ? Would he have waited till dawn ? Perhaps zero wanted the elder to call beforehand and say he was waiting for him .. Maybe then he would have found an excuse not to go back , just to spare both of them the hurt . But no .. the more rational part in his brain argued . He would not run away anymore . It was time to come clean and say it in elaborate words even if it would hurt the other male beyond repair .

Rubbing a hand all over his face and exhaling deeply , Zero took a moment to arrange his thoughts before gently pulling Haruka towards the sofa and finally sitting down .

" It would be unfair , Haruka . you don't deserve someone who would never return your feelings with the same intensity , if at all . " Tone calm and persuasive , zero spoke up in sheer honesty for the first time . He did like the guy and he didn't want to hurt him further . From the very beginning , they were supposed to have a no-strings-attached relationship . How it came down to this , Zero had no idea . But he was sure he had not done a thing to lead the elder on . And would not start now .

His problem was that he fabricated a lie for himself to live in and ended up believing it . He genuinely thought he could toss all the love he'd buried deep inside for a certain brunette like it was the easiest thing to . But it wasn't . he finally understood that . And he would not involve another person in yet another lie . He would not let Haruka lie to himself and believe in what they could have .. those were false hopes . And they just so happen to hurt the most .

Zero took in a shaky breath before reaching for the elder's hands , his way of comforting him . But it only ever ended up making the other male struggle to fight back the tears . The thing that made a certain silverette purse his lips , guilt warring against guilt . If he chose to spare Haruka the pain of leaving him , he'd be condemning him to another kind of pain , making himself just as guilty .

" I beg of you Haruka , rid me of this guilt . Rid yourself of this corrupted unyielding and poisonous love . " He was almost on the verge of tears as he said those words . That's exactly how it felt like to love . Zero knew it . he'd learned that the hard way .

Even true mutual love had every power to hurt people . Imagine an unrequited one .

Love wasn't as beautiful as literature often portrayed . For him , it was nothing but a boat , lurching in an ocean of grief .

He could have scoffed at himself .

Smiling , Zero chased those thoughts away and sniffed , before letting his gaze meet Haruka's and finally speaking up again " One day you would remember my words and be thankful . In a year or less , the hurt in here will be insignificant and you will move on , eventually . life goes on , Haruka . " His hand traveled to the elder's chest as he said that , referring to his heart .

Zero let that weak smile adorn his face again as he watched Haruka shaking his head and shedding tears , not wanting to part . Nonetheless it would all change some day , the younger knew . There was no telling when , but it would .

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Jogging with sunglasses on and hands-free plugged in ears , a certain silverette songwriter made his way inside a particular cat cafe .

The door chimed as he entered , scanning the place for a familiar mop of light brown hair , the owner and his friend as well - two years younger than him . As if on cue , he found a waiter nodding in his way , probably wanting to lead him to a table . The special treatment had been understandable . he was a famous songwriter after all .

Zero just shook his head and said he was only there to meet the owner , who interestingly , chose that moment to emerge , wearing a very realistic cat-no .. wolf ears . The silverette just chuckled and shook his head at that .

Damn that friend of mine really goes great lengths for his work . Zero thought as he watched Isaya , nicknamed sunshine , approach him with that otherwordly beam of his . The fair haired male had always been a ball of sunshine and no amount of years could change that , nor work . Something to be envied for , Zero supposed .

" Wah ! someone finally decided to show up , ha ? Just recalled the fact you had a friend called Isaya ? " Crushing him in a bear hug that was equal parts intended to be a punishment and a genuine show of longing , the baby-faced younger male playfully mocked , drawing a hearty chuckle from the guilty male . He'd been a bad friend , truth be told . But not intentionally . He was a busy person after all . Besides , he hadn't been in the best of moods since a year .. since ..

Whatever , it wasn't time to think about that . He was there for work and only that . Upon pulling away , Zero rubbed his neck nervously and started apologizing for the long wait . " Sorry , man . you know it was not done on purpose . "

Isaya nodded and shook his head dismissively before responding . He'd never been one to hold grudges after all . " I'm sure it wasn't . Any ways what can I get you ? the usual ? "

Zero smiled and sighed dramatically , before drawling " No " as he let his eyes wander all over the place , almost squealing at the cat that randomly settled by his feet and started rubbing against his right leg . It was good thing Isaya thought of a cat cafe . It distracted people enough from paying attention to their surrounding which was a total advantage for idols . Though realistically , it did not completely protect them from obsessed fans .

" I'm not here to be served , quite the opposite . " the silverette revealed as he bent down to play with the kitty while his friend kept staring ahead , smile fading as he processed that .

What ?

" What do you mean ? " The younger asked as he shifted his weight on one foot , receiving silence at first .

Zero stopped petting the cat and stood up again , huffing before explaining it " God , sunshine . You're as slow as ever . I want to be a waiter for today . "

However , the light brown haired male still did not seem to understand and who could blame him .

Why would someone like Zero want that ? he was no high-school student struggling with part-time jobs to finance his studies or add up to his allowance . He was no peasant with no experience either . He was a prestigious songwriter for heavens !

" It's a social experiment . " Zero justified , sarcasm evident in his tone . If Isaya missed that , he wouldn't possibly miss the roll of eyes that accompanied it .

The younger smiled from ear to ear , not in the least bit amused by such answer ." I dunno why you want to but fine , follow me . "

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After getting dressed in a waiter uniform , Zero started working immediately , taking orders and serving meals while doing his best to observe .

One of the tables he tended to happened to be an odd mix kind of family consisting of a teenage girl , probably in high school , who looked like a nerd , her younger brother seemed to be the exact opposite with the way he dressed up . He was teasing her about something and seemed to be enjoying it too , zero guessed .

The parents though , were too distracted arguing over the appetizers they were just about to order .

It's almost crazy how much he could gather from just a glance . The songwriter couldn't help but marvel .

On the far corner , an engaged couple occupied a two-seat table , enjoying their deserts as they sent each other loving gazes . The aura there nearly exploded with hearts and sprinkles . Zero almost threw up .

A third table had nothing but girls ..Ehem .. nobody but girls occupying it , one of them had been crying ever since they got inside , struggling not to break down loudly so as not to draw everyone's attention in their way . Her boyfriend dumped her , most probably . And her group of friends thought they could comfort her with sweets . _Pathetic ._

The songwriter shook his head and puffed up air before analyzing another table , it was the same , almost . The male version and with happiness instead of sorrow . One of the guys had probably gotten accepted in an entertainment company or passed an exam or maybe hooked the girl they all had a bet on ..Whatever . Enough observation for now .

Just as he was about to go back inside , he was halted by a certain conversation .

Two girls occupied one table , the shorter haired in them had on a look of appreciation as she listened to music and then exclaimed " God I love this song so much ! Kiryuu zero writes awesome songs ! "

The said silverette nearly choked . Did she not know he was actually the waiter ?

Her friend joined in and replied with a praise of her own . " Yes ! I sometimes wonder if he had experienced love , I mean , those lyrics .. there's just no way someone would be able to have such deep perspective of love without knowing how it feels like , right ? "

Without realizing it , Zero had fully turned around , facing those girls .

one of them gasped , the red velvet cupcake falling from her hand , eyes going wide as soon as she recognized him .

" Shoot .. " She said , making her friend frown in confusion before following her line of sight , twisting around to see what she meant .

Both girls had a moment of shock before they started apologizing , for what , they had no idea but somehow the situation felt awkward .

Belatedly realizing what he'd done , Zero quickly snapped back to the real world and gave them his iconic adorable smile , saying they needn't feel sorry , before excusing himself and rushing back to the kitchen .

He was not worried about fans talking to him in real life or social media . They already knew he came there often and even knew about his friendship with the owner . That's what fan-sites do . What bugged him was their comments .

" Zero , what are you doing ? " Isaya's voice cut his train of thoughts , making the him straighten up and face the younger .

He'd been leaning on one counter for few minutes now , spacing out , as it seemed . And now a certain friend of his was getting suspicious .

Was he really that much of an open book ?

Trying to appear as casual as possible , the silver haired male shrugged and busied himself with the plates before his eyes and finally answered " Isn't it obvious ? Tending to customers . "

" No . I mean .. What are you doing helping me out with the cafe ? " Clarifying in a deliberately casual tone , the younger made a waving gesture with his hand , wanting to know why his friend decided to do such thing in the first place .

" Oh ! Keeping myself busy , something I heard from Kaito Takamiya about inspiration . " Grateful for the harmless question , Zero answered back naturally . That was not the kind of investigation he expected but it was definitely better that way .

Isaya's eyebrows lifted up in a brief 'oh ! really ?! ' imitation as he found himself feeling interested in how such work would help inspiration but then again he never knew much about that topic . Maybe Zero was telling the truth .

Nodding along , the golden brown haired male decided to steer the conversation away from questions and instead focused on leaving the other a passing compliment ." Any ways . While it's true that this place has proven rather successful , your presence here today seems to have rivaled the kittens' cuteness and for that I'm sure we'll be getting a lot of cash . "

The elder burst into laughter at that and it didn't take long before Isaya joined him . It had been a long time since they spent time like that and only one thing , rather person , was missing . the cheerful younger lamented . kaname ..

Isaya was , after all , one of the select few who knew about their relationship . They may not say it but their actions spoke louder than words , Isaya could tell . those two idiots were obviously still madly in love with each other but the wounds must have been too deep , preventing them from realizing or admitting that . He just hoped they would reconcile some day . He also hoped Zero would stop suffering alone and instead start letting all of those emotions out , talking about them with him . Though maybe if Isaya himself was in the elder's case , he wouldn't have wanted to talk about it .

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Few hours later , Zero was done with work , spent a few more minutes with his friend and the kittens before taking his leave .

The moment he stepped out of the cafe , the chilly breeze slammed against his face , making him wince a little before lifting both hands to pull the hood on his head .

Damn ! it was awfully cold . And even though he preferred winter than any other season , his body did not exactly seem to agree . He didn't have gloves with him and thus ended up hiding his hands inside his sleeves as much as he could until he felt his cell phone vibrating . A frown appeared on his face at that .

Reaching for his pocket , he pulled the phone out and checked the latest notifications . A toothed smile adorned his face as he read the news .

It didn't take him long before he dialed up a certain number and waited for the line to connect , all the while smiling from ear to ear .

As soon as the person answered , Zero congratulated " I'd say good job , if I didn't already know about it . " He received a proud chuckle in return , followed by a " Thanks a bunch , man ! I owe you " Shiki , one of Zero's idol friends , said , feeling truly grateful he had a chance to work with the silver haired writer on one of his songs that he just posted on twitter . they have been slaving on that one , staying up late , modifying some parts , co-composing it and all . The final outcome was a success ! They both knew it , judging by the amount of praises the rapper got himself from fans and even other idols .

Just as zero was about to respond , he felt his phone vibrating next to his ears , alerting him to an incoming call . He lowered the phone to see the caller ID , rolling his eyes once he realized who .

He apologized to his friend and congratulated him once more before ending the call and answering the other .

" My Queen . " He sang in a playful tone , almost sarcastically .

The female on the line humored the joke and retaliated with an equally sarcastic insult before bringing up the same topic zero expected , much to his irritation . It's not like he hated paying a visit to his parents but well .. He was not ready to lead a certain conversation he knew his mother would be dying to engage in , marriage . That was the last thing he wanted to talk about . which is why he ended the call with no definite promise to visit soon , sighing heavily once he pushed the phone back in his pocket , only to find himself staring in utter surprise at the person before his eyes .

Seething , the silverette snarled " What part of leave me alone did you not understand ? "

" All of it .. " kaname spoke up calmly , letting out puffs of breath in the form of eddies as he did so . He was dressed in white woolen pullover with a wine red collared chemise under it and white pants . He looked like Christmas .

Astonished at such answer , Zero briefly narrowed his eyes in confusion , knowing fully well the other had lots to say . And since he figured kaname wouldn't let him go any time any soon , he decided to hear him out . That didn't mean he was gonna believe any of it though .

" I don't understand how those beautiful lips of yours could utter the coldest of lies when your eyes clearly show otherwise . In fact , they show many emotions but hate , let alone dislike . "

kaname revealed as he inched closer to the younger , finally finding it in him to talk about them . He'd said those words in a sensual whisper all the while gazing right in his lover's unconvinced brown eyes .

" I don't know what you are talking about but I believe it's not my eyes you are looking at . Because there's no way in hell that's true . In fact , I guess I know why . they say ' you see what you want to see ' . "

Zero took a moment to compose himself after hearing such throat-drying words , before hardening his facial expression and speaking up in a sneer , waiting only for a second to add " And even if you are right , I would rather rot in hell than go back to you , Kuran . Even If I still have some feelings for you which is not true . You have to understand , what I feel for you is only the remnants of our memories together . just because something that we used love still makes us smile doesn't mean we still want it . "

After letting it all out , eyes burning with emotions he thought he no longer had , Zero waited for the elder's reaction , as if to challenge him . And oh kaname was more than ready for one .

" Really ? you don't want me ? Is that why you broke up with him ? "

it was the singer's turn to challenge as he once more got closer , the younger not even realizing that as he focused solely on staring back at his ex lover , eyes widening as he processed such rhetorical question .

" What ? Where did you get that ? " Zero's eyes darted in a half circle as he paid a quick mental visit to the list of people they both knew and then it dawned on him .

Shit ! It had to be Isaya ! I'm so gonna beat the living daylights out of him next time I see him . The silverette promised darkly as he wished he could do that right then right there .

Isaya ! What's he ? A news reporter ? Hell ! he could rival an entire news agency and on his own .

let me guess .. he probably texted kuran and told him ' Zero is available . you can make a move on him if you fucking want . '

Still lost in thoughts of strangling a certain baby faced younger , the silver haired male startled for a second as he heard that melodic voice sound too close to his liking .

" Feigning ignorance I see . Let me ask you something else , is that why you chose someone who resembled me so much ? "

kaname dropped the bomb that time .

Effectively snapped out of his thoughts , the silverette let out a sarcastic chuckle as he averted his eyes elsewhere before finally facing the elder again , ready to retort back

" This is gonna hurt your fragile ego but , the world doesn't revolve around you . "

" At least I'm not denying my feelings . I'm brave enough to face them , unlike you . " The brunette taunted , smiling right after as he shook his head and sighed , the rest of his speech springing to life at the heat of the moment ." You know what your problem is ? you still love me but you keep telling yourself that I hurt you so much there's just no way you could still do . "

He spoke up like he knew everything and God Zero wanted to slap him on the mouth to protect the truth he hid in the deepest recesses of his heart .

Not having anything to say to that , more like having no chance , Zero stretched his eyes wide as he felt himself getting pulled forward , a pair of strong arms holding him by the waist before one of them moved upwards to his face keeping it in place and in the same exact heart-stopping second , a pair of lips smashed against his own .

His hands rose to midair and stopped there , frozen by shock . He'd forgotten what it felt like to kiss someone he loved . And having to relive the overwhelming sensation once more in such a situation , all of the sudden , did nothing to help his cause of protesting , at least at first .

kaname's soft lips tickled his own, making the younger's heart flutter and legs nearly give out . As if to make it worse , the brunette took the liberty of deepening the kiss , quickly turning it into an open mouthed one , the thing that snapped the silverette out of his initial haze and eventually gave him power to switch the rational button back on .

Zero made a muffled sound as he shoved the elder away and panted , eyes wild with conflicted emotions , the most prominent of which being anger . And it didn't go unnoticed by kaname .

the elder let out a gloating snicker as he wiped the corner of his mouth , hiding the sharp pain coursing through his delicate tongue as it bled thanks to one stubborn songwriter Kiryuu zero .

" You are angry because you responded , because I forced the truth out of you , because you can't deny it anymore . "

kaname , gave a new meaning to assholeness and added insult to injury , knowing very well that his spontaneous act gained them no audience thanks to the hood the younger had on .

Zero , on the other hand , could do naught but stare wordlessly at the level A jerk . He'd responded yes but that was only because the elder was a sinfully excellent kisser . Of course he wasn't just about to admit it that though .

Just as the silverette was about to go berserk and shout , kaname cut him with a troth " I will get you back , Zero . I will gain your trust again . I promise you . "

At that , the younger of the two ended up laughing in disbelief for a fleeting moment before solemnly stating " You have caused me so much pain . A simple kiss wouldn't change that . "

His relentless side took over . He'd be damned if he forgave the elder ... That easily . The other part of him softly added , the one that had been waiting impatiently for kaname to say such words , from the moment they broke up .

He was more confused than playing hard to get .. Confused , hurt , disappointed , betrayed .. Insecure ..

" How about a not so simple kiss ? " the brunette questioned with a hint of playfulness as he tilted his head to the side , still giving his words a serious vibe .

" Are you stupid ? " the insult came instantly , making the elder smile before pouring all of his adoration into one long last gaze and finally closing his eyes , exhaling softly .

The younger watched it all , with a guarded look on his face , having a gut feeling that his ex lover would say something stupid once more .

" No . I'm desperate . I'm desperately in love with you , Zero . "

the elder genuinely corrected , shoulders dropping in resignation as he realized he could fight the urge no more . He was still madly and helplessly in love with the silver haired songwriter he first met on Christmas eve of 2010 .

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	6. Bonus

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Zero grimaced , throwing away the nth bouquet of flowers that week . When Kaname promised he was going to win him back , the silverette didn't know he meant it that way .

Kaname was literally everywhere ! He sent him flowers on a daily basis , like a secret admirer and then coupled that with a more direct approach , appearing on his doorstep in disguise because otherwise , Zero wouldn't have answered the door . But of course it worked only for a mere minute before the door got slammed in the brunette singer's face . Still , he didn't give up .

 _He must be thinking of another creative way to get under my skin_ . Zero inwardly snarled , already growing suspicious . He was not in the least bit affected by the elder's constant attempts to get him back . If anything , it was starting to irritate him .

Though he had to admit , by 'throwing away' , he meant in a vase full of water and not the trash bin . The poor flowers did nothing wrong after all . Seriously though ! he didn't know where to put them anymore .

Casting a glance at the flowers everywhere , he sighed and dragged his feet to the kitchen , uncaring of the deep scrutiny of a certain someone standing there , waiting for him .

Instead , Zero made his way to the fridge , opened it , got a carton of pineapple juice out , closed the said refrigerator and finally turned around to hand his ' guest ' his favorite drink .

Sighing , Isaya absently accepted the offered drink , already helping himself to a pair of clean cups so he could pour them some juice .

As soon as they abandoned the kitchen and flopped down on the living room couch, the younger suggested " Don't you think that maybe you are exaggerating it ? I mean .. Kaname hasn't cheated on or lied to you . "

Zero gave him a glare that screamed he didn't appreciate the mention of the said brunette singer or the prospect of Isaya defending him .

Noticing that , the blonde male placed his cup down and relaxed back on the couch before expressing " I admit that he did a mistake that day .. But don't we all ? He deserves a second chance , no ? "

The silver haired song writer could only nod in sheer sarcasm at that before parting his lips to speak up , calmly , with solidified conviction " He has betrayed my trust and our love when he left me with no explanation , for no reason . I spent months asking myself where I had gone wrong ! I can't imagine him doing anything worse to me . "

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 **Somewhere else :**

" I see that Zero is not going to forgive you that easily . He needs a powerful trigger . "

Having finished his meal , Japan's most popular author began tossing the elder male sitting in front of him his conclusions . It was more than just obvious after hearing Kaname's words earlier that a certain silverette was one tough nut to crack . And the blonde author already knew that , from experience . If it wouldn't be considered violating his friend's privacy , Takuma would have written a masterpiece out of Kaname and Zero's lovestory . However , even if he was itching to , he lacked a very crucial piece in the whole thing - the end -.

Though realistically , he could counter that issue with more than just two alternatives , as an author , he knew how to create an ocean out of a drop of rain after all . Still , he wanted his story , if it ever got a chance to see the light , to be nothing but the truth .

While the said author was lost in thoughts , the brunette inclined his head in question as he leaned back on the chair and narrowed his eyes , impatiently waiting for the younger to explain . When it seemed like Takuma was drowning in waves of inspiration , if the glint that took over his forest green eyes were any indication , Kaname resorted to verbal language to get the other male to talk .

" Meaning ? "

" Oh! An extreme trigger , like jealousy or you almost dying . " Finally snapping back to the real world , the blonde effortlessly slipped back into his deeply ingrained understanding of human nature , knowing what buttons to push to get a certain personality to react the way you want them to .

More often than not , It all chalked up to the famous saying ' We adore those who ignore us and ignore those who adore us . '

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 **Few days later :**

For Zero , working with famous idols was nothing new . However , it was a first when he found himself accepting a project that included him working with Senri shiki , the shark of a director that few dared competing against , Takuma Ichijo as the author , Akatsuki kain , the actor whose popularity rivaled even that of international stars , as the main male lead and finally , Souen Ruka , nicknamed the 'winter princess' of japan , as the female main lead . The project , without doubt , would have little to no difficulty making a splash , everywhere . the fair haired song writer could already imagine it . Everyone would be hyped about watching japan's most popular actor and actress together , for the first time , in a drama that involved other heavy names in the entertainment industry .

Zero was especially surprised , though pleasantly , when he learned how much of a carefree person the ginger haired actor was . Even the distant and seemingly unapproachable 'princess ' proved to be quite the opposite of what the silverette initially thought . All in all , he was very excited about working with them , grateful for having accepted the job . It would help him improve , witnessing such great actor and actress performing together , and transforming their emotions into impactful lyrics .

It would also serve to distract him from a certain brunette singer who has , oddly enough , stopped showering him with random gifts , and in fact , and instead , was seen less and less .

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 **Yet another few days later :**

When Zero woke up , only one thing roared in his head . It was killing him ! Must be a headache . but why , he could not fathom .

After blinking few times , he half groaned half yawned before stretching his muscles and attempting to sit upright . Something seemed to barricade the action though .

Frowning in sluggish confusion , he tilted his head to the right , nearly screaming at the sight that greeted his now fully awakened and horrified eyes .

Strands of amber locks met his vision and soon enough , images of the night before began assaulting him .

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 _* Zero , as the songwriter of the drama ost , and Akatsuki as the male lead of the said drama booked a room in an hotel quite far from where they lived . Ruka was supposed to join them , booking a room of her own . But they kept waiting for her so they could discuss work and in the end , she didn't show up ._

 _When Akatsuki called her , the toffee hair colored actress apologized deeply for that , explaining how she totally forgot about their plans to work together on getting familiar to make their new drama a success because a relative of hers has just passed away , completely distracting her from anything else . Akatsuki's face went rigid as he heard that . He then quickly expressed his deepest condolences and assured he totally understood her situation before ending the call ._

 _Zero could only guess that someone dear to the actress had died so he remained silent . The atmosphere has darkened after that call and instead of Zero working on the songs of the drama or the actor memorizing his script , they both ended up sharing tragic stories about the losses they were forced to endure ._

 _The gloomy change in the mood resulted in a random chaotic need to drink ._

 _Akatsuki had quite the strong tolerance , unlike Zero who ended up mumbling incoherent jumbled mess of what seemed like words but was not .*_

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Tensing in shock , followed by a gradual process of him realizing it , Zero remained in bed , like a statue , staring at the ceiling blankly , unable to comprehend it .

What the fuck had he done ?!

Did he really .. Did he do it with Akatsuki ?

They were both sleeping in a fucking robe ! His ass was fucking sore ! Shit !

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Isaya was not prepared when Zero came to him , calling his name in a tone that spoke of emotional breakdown .

" Isaya .. "

The smile he had on instantly vanished as he took in the sight of his friend , staring at him wide-eyed , as if a child seeking his parents' help after he'd gotten himself in some serious trouble .

Beyond worried , Isaya quickly reached forward , hands leading the fear-struck elder to a storage room in the back of the restaurant .

" What happened ? "

The only answer he got came in the form of the silverette frowning in complete pain .

Breath hitching and lips trembling , Zero managed a broken " I did something horrid . "

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After hearing the entire story , Isaya blanched out . He didn't want to believe it but .. If that had truly happened the-

Before he could get to comfort the traumatized elder , one of the waiters barged in , informing the blonde owner that Kuran kaname was asking for his assistance . Isaya went silent and numb for a second before he nodded at the said waiter and dismissed him , not knowing how to take it all in . Talk about bad timing .

If the silverette was traumatized a moment ago , he was currently on the verge of having a panic attack .

" What ? he .. what ? Wasn't he busy filming a photoshoot in Hakone ?! " Rising to his feet in a rush , Zero stuttered , hands flying to clutch his head as though he was an outlaw cornered by the police and about to be executed .

Isaya wasted no time going to the elder's side and placing a gentle supportive hand on his shoulders " Shush . Don't freak out , Zero . Kaname doesn't know you are here . Why would he ? Stay calm and .. wait , Let me lead you to the backdoor , go home and forget everything that happened today , okay ? "

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A certain silver haired young man stood in the kitchen of his home , preparing himself a mug of hot chocolate , absently observing the ginger kitty sleeping peacefully on the cartoon sheet just beside its bowl of water and plate of dry food .

That feline addition was not there until about an hour ago . He'd received a delivery from Isaya's cafe and to his surprise , it was comprised of a monstrous collection of snacks he loved and a box with a kitty and pet food in it .

It didn't take a genius to know the one responsible . Only one person would do that for him at the moment .

The food combined with looking after a tiny kitty has worked magic , distracting the silverette from thinking about his inner turmoil , even if just a little .

All of the anxiety returned anew , however , when he heard the doorbell ringing once before going silent , as if someone has made a mistake and decided to flee the scene as soon they realized they got the wrong apartment .

Still , Zero found himself walking towards the door , eyes going wide as he recognized the person standing just behind the wooden surface .

 _What is kaname doing here ?_

The silverette barely had time to react when he heard his phone ringing and then registered the sound of distant footsteps through the door . _Wait .. why is he leaving ?_

Something clicked in Zero's head and it didn't take long before he found himself rushing to snatch his cellphone and reading the text he just received .

It read ' I know you are inside .. I will be waiting , by the lamppost . '

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That's how Zero ended up switching between two actions , staring at the elder with what he thought was indifference but wasn't , and abandoning the balcony in favor of doing anything but keeping an eye on the brunette .

Every time he left his place by the window of the balcony and headed back inside , he was fully expecting to come back a few minutes later and find Kuran not there . And yet , the elder always proved him wrong , when he stayed and waited for him in the cold .

Zero was not cruel . He just wanted to see the extent to which the elder would go for him .

Maybe it was selfish of him .. Maybe Isaya was right .. Maybe he should really stop being a bitch and get down there to face the elder and his own feelings .

He should , before it gets too late .. He should .. or he may lose kaname forever .

He wasn't exactly playing hard to get in the past two months . He knew he still loved the elder but he truly feared getting hurt in the process . He may not be able to take it a second time .

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In the end , he followed his heart , fully aware that he might it regret later .

Kaname seemed both grateful and upset . Zero couldn't blame him . He'd left him waiting in the snow for longer than necessary .

After a minute or so , the elder took a deep breath before speaking up " I'm not going to beat around the bush . I came here to put an end to whatever game you are playing . I know I promised to win you back but I have no intention of spending the rest of my life chasing after someone that doesn't even want me anymore and is , in fact , deriving pleasure from it . " The brunette said in an even tone that spoke volumes of how serious he was , in every way .

Zero wanted to protest . He would have preferred it if Kaname used the term 'might' rather than making it sound like a fact when it wasn't . It's not that he doesn't want him anymore . And he's definitely not deriving any pleasure from the elder chasing after him , not that kind of cruel pleasure . he wanted to tell him what he just said was not true . But all he could do was stare in the elder's general direction , unable to find his voice , unwilling to talk , for if he did , it would be nothing but a whimper . He knew .

Encouraged by the younger's disappointing silence , the singer felt the corner of his lips wrinkling into a pained frown before he admitted " the way I gave myself the right to try and win you back may have been inconsiderate . And I just realized it now . I will not bother you anymore , Kiryuu . "

the silverette was already having a terrible day and hearing that just made it exponentially worse . He hated how his throat closed up at the elder's tone and the direction where the conversation was heading . But more than anything else , he hated how his eyes began to sting as he imagined the rest of the night . And not for the first time he wished they were texting , maybe then he would have had the freedom to bawl his eyes out while knowing the elder won't be there to witness it .

Feeling more than just aggravated by the stretching silence on the younger's part , Kaname warned , something inside of him shattering to debris at the implication " But don't you dare tell people or even yourself that I haven't fought for us . you'll only have yourself to blame if we don't get back together . "

He struggled to school his expression and maintain eye-contact , hoping that maybe , just maybe , those amethyst pools would betray the love he so desperately wanted to see in them .

" Are you threatening me into going back to you ? " Hiding a sniff , Zero averted his eyes elsewhere before pursing his lips and finally scoffing , tossing the elder a question that suggested it was brazen to do so.

At that , a smile played on the singer's lips before he denied " On the contrary , I'm putting it all in your hands . I'm letting you decide once and for all . "

 _But I don't want to decide ! I want you to force a kiss on me like two months ago and spare me the need to utter the words ' stay_ '

 _It's not fair for me to swallow my pride and break down first_ , after all I have gone through because of you .

His pride wouldn't let him say a word and Zero was very much aware of how selfish such thing proved him to be . He wanted the elder to cling to him nonetheless .

Kaname's lips shaped into bitter resignation at that . He fought the urge to chuckle in agony and instead , tilted his head to the right , avoiding the younger's eyes and nodding to himself .

 _Is it really that difficult , Zero ? To say you still want me ? Are you so blinded by your ego that you can't even say that word ? Am I that unworthy in your eyes ? What's so humiliating in admitting you still love me ? or is it because don't feel the same anymore ?_

Smirking at how much of a fool he'd been , chasing after the younger like that , Kaname found himself reciting a speech he hasn't quite prepared , for he hadn't expected such outcome .

" We were miserable apart .. you may argue that it was the same when we were together but you can't deny that there were times when I made you the happiest person alive , just like you had . But I don't feel the need to buy you forgiveness through expensive gifts or the reverse . You may feel insulted to know I got a 50% discount on the flowers . But at the same time at least I was never under the illusion I could buy your heart . "

The elder paused for a fraction of a second before adding " Goodbye , Zero " as he extended his hand forward .

The silverette could only shake his head and take a step backwards , staring at the offending outstretched hand like it was fire .

Kaname's features showed nothing but confusion at that .

" Isn't that what you wanted ? "

Zero kept shaking his head , tears now freely pelting down his face , shocking the elder beyond belief .

He chuckled darkly and to the silverette , it felt cruel , as though mocking and blaming him .

Throwing his head back and letting out a pained sigh , kaname wondered " What am I going to do with you ? "

" How about this ? If you don't want me back , push me away ! "

The brunette moved forward , taking the smaller male in his embrace , waiting for the moment he was going to shove him away . .. But it never happened .

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Cuddling in the younger's living room , Zero and kaname spent most of the time after reconciling talking about anything and everything , it didn't matter what , as long as they were together .

They were finally back together , the brunette felt as though he could die of happiness .. until .. he saw it .

Kaname didn't want to believe his eyes . But he'd spent enough time in the entertainment industry to tell if a picture was photoshopped or not . And that wasn't one . It was real , much to his terror.

Still , he couldn't believe it . The brunette singer was clinging to a thin line of hope that maybe Zero went there with the intention of business , to meet a third person there .

He desperately wished that his lover and that actor weren't heading to a private room where they would be completely alone .. but the more he thought of it , the more the doubts started to overpower his rationale , making it increasingly difficult to fight those repulsive images going haywire in his head .

The question was not whether it was true or not . He knew it was . He knew Zero had went , willingly and under no pressure , together with another male that was not Kaname , to an hotel and didn't leave until the morning came .

The question was ..

" Did something happen between you two ? " His voice felt like someone else's and not his own , like a person talking in the background , a white noise !

 _Please say no . Please ._

Zero , on the other hand , could barely register what just happened .

Everything was going smooth , he'd finally decided to forgive the elder and then they went back home to celebrate it , privately . But the first thing that happened as soon as they settled in the living room and switched on the television felt like a punch to his gut . 'Entertainment tonight' revealed pictures of him and Akatsuki together , heading inside the hotel , leaving very little to the imagination , especially with the ugly headline they used to announce it .

The silverette felt like he was being slowly suffocated , drowning so deep he didn't know what to do or how to pull himself back together .

He so desperately wanted to deny it but he knew better than to build his relationship on a lie , just like how he knew better than to build his happiness on someone else's suffering . Besides , even if he lied now , he would get found out , sooner or later .

" Yes . " with a word , so simple and so innocent , he sealed his fate , softly closing his eyes for a moment before opening them once more , flinching as the elder stood up in what could only be disbelief .

" What ? You .. " for the first time , Kuran Kaname resembled an empire thrown into a state of chaos . He was torn between scoffing . laughing and thinking it was a joke , at the same time .

 _Was it all a joke ? Did Zero fake it all , just to watch him in pain and gain satisfaction from it ._

Running a frustrated hand through his hair , the elder concealed rage and hurt with lethal sarcasm " Of course . And here I thought that everything was going back to the way it was . What a fool I have been . Did you do it with that Haruka too ? I wouldn't put it past you . "

Zero felt like he has been steam-burned as he processed those words . It was one thing to be accused of cheating and a total other to be indirectly told , by his lover , that he was a whore .

He was ashamed of what he had done but that didn't meant that kaname could easily assume he spread his legs for every man that came in his life .

Standing up as well mirroring the swirling maze of conflicted emotions dancing in the elder's eyes , the silverette found himself smiling in absolute disappointment " Anything else ? "

 _Any more insults to toss my way_ ?

At first he wanted to explain how it happened , how he was drunk and all , maybe it would be of any consolation .. but the elder has crossed all limits when he allowed himself to say that ..

 _how could he ?_

As though he were a television and the his emotions were channels getting switched frantically , the silver haired male felt disbelief at first , then disappointment , rage and melancholy .

Zero wanted to defend himself and deny it , he hasn't slept with Haruka or anyone else .. But even that he was not supposed to do . Because Kaname , of all people , shouldn't have doubted him .

Before the elder had a chance to retort back , his phone started ringing . He was about to ignore the incoming call , were it not his mother calling him .

For some reason , he wanted to distract himself and postpone his talk with the younger male .

But when he answered the call , his face went pale and before Zero could say anything , Kaname was already dashing his way out , appearing to be extremely worried .

The silverette sighed in a blend of various emotions before he slumped down on the couch and eventually lied down , staring at the ceiling with too much and yet too little emotions .

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Zero wanted to hide in a cave and never get out . He'd every intention to avoid a certain 'wild' ginger haired actor but apparently , he wasn't so successful in that aspect .

Akatsuki ended up finding a way to corner him and because of that they were both occupying a secluded table in an extremely palatial and relaxing cafe .

Zero contemplated not ordering anything to eat or drink . that way he wouldn't have to stay there longer than necessary . but then again , it would be too childish of him to do that .

 _what's done is done . He couldn't run away anymore_ .

There were only two possibilities plaguing his mind , either Akatsuki wanted to get closer to him which Zero did not want at all . Or the said actor wanted to pretend it never happened and avoid any possible awkwardness between them .

However , if he truly wanted to forget it , he would not ask to meet him so they could talk about that night in particular .

" Zero , I actually think I'm dreaming now . " Akatsuki spoke up in a playful tone , focusing on distracting the younger from stressing over the reason he called him there .

Casually , the actor took a sip of his juice , waiting for the evasive songwriter to slip into the conversation with ease .

True enough , Zero's tense muscles began loosening as he unconsciously mimicked the elder's move and took a sip of his drink too before curiously inquiring

" What ? Why ? "

An amused smile found its way to Akatsuki's lips as he leaned forward and explained " You made it nearly impossible to reach you ever since that night . And I don't blame you . the press has been anything but respectful with you but .. I want you to know there's no reason for you to act distant . I mean .. Nothing happened . "

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 _Nothing happened ?_

Zero inwardly repeated it once , twice and he still could do nothing but replay it in his head .

 _Nothing ? What was that supposed to mean ?_

 _Did Akatsuki take those stuff so lightly ? Did he consider it a daily occurrence ?_

 _Or .._

Zero's eyes widened and the look Akatsuki gave him confirmed it .

" Nothing happened ? You mean to tell me .. We didn't sleep together ? " The words came out soft and fragile , garnished with disbelief .

The actor shook his head in response , pouring a bucket of ice all over the younger's heart .

 _They didn't sleep together !_

And here he was doing everything in his power to avoid running into the flame haired elder . He ended up jumping to conclusions that morning . He even confessed being guilty of a crime he hadn't committed in the first place and in doing so , he lost his second chance with kaname , forever .

Fuck his life . Everything was lost .. It didn't matter anymore .

The silver haired male let out a scoff and followed it with a chuckle that soon changed into a giggle before it finally shifted into full blown hysterical laughter . But his eyes .. His eyes put a raging ocean to shame as tears poured nonstop down his snow white cheeks .

Akatsuki blanched out . the younger's actions turned him into a block of ice . He wanted to ask 'what's wrong' and start comforting him . However , for some reason , he could do nothing but sit there and watch as the silverette covered his face and continued to laugh , sorrowing with a gush of tears streaming down his face .

When he finally calmed down , after about 10 minutes , Zero took a handkerchief and began blowing his nose , before something crossed his mind . he couldn't help but ask .

" If that's true then why were we sleeping in nothing but a robe ? Why.. Why did I feel sore ? " Preferring to put it that way , the silverette sniffed , already feeling a headache making itself known .

Damn , everything was too complicated for his fogged up brain to keep up with .

Akatsuki looked like he wanted to laugh but he controlled himself and started narrating the events and facts of the fateful hotel night " Well , after you got drunk that easily , I realized it would be better to stop you from drinking any further . So I decided to lead us to our room but when we finally got there you insisted on eating . You kept whining for various meals and I couldn't convince you of otherwise .

Zero nodded , urging the elder to go on .

Taking a moment to soothe his dry throat , the actor took a sip of his drink and then spoke up again " In the end we ate and ate and ate . But you were obviously still so out of it that you staggered about the moment you left your seat , bumping against the table and BAM , most of the leftovers went flying everywhere , staining both of our clothes . we didn't exactly need a shower . but our clothes did . That explains the robe . Your ass .. Well you fell on it quite badly while I was trying to help you out of your clothes . "

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 **Special thanks to** dardar1 for inspiring me to write more in this fic .

I really enjoyed planning this bonus which will have a part 2 .

I hope you like it too and worry not , the ending will be a happy one .

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4875 words

updated 24 sept , 2017

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	7. Chapter 7

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Dim were The lights in his apartment . But even that felt too bright to his liking , forcing him to close his eyes as he started hoping for the darkness to swallow him whole .

He was still lying on the couch , with one hand dangling and touching the floor while the other covered most of his face .

The entire place spoke of depression , so quiet , lonely , and dark , much the same as the owner himself .

So quiet that Zero could have slumbered , if it weren't for his phone ringing , snapping him back into full awareness .

" Zero , have you seen the news ?! "

Isaya's concerned voice filled his ears . It did console him a little bit to know that someone cared enough to call him but all he could was hum in response .

" How could they spread it like that ?! " The younger exclaimed and disapproved vehemently . he already knew that idols were very likely to experience such scandals all the time . but he definitely did not appreciate it , especially when it had to do with his best friend . Besides , it would have been different if Zero had no special person to worry about hearing such news . The silverette may have been single for a while after having agreed to break up with Kaname , but the two were obviously still in love and Isaya knew it was a matter of time before they got back together .

But with such news spreading , the younger was not so sure .

He hoped that kaname wouldn't be reckless enough to believe such rumors without asking for an explanation from Zero .. But then again , how exactly would the brunette bring such topic up ? It didn't help that Zero had been going out with that guy named Haruka for a while .

Kaname might start thinking the silverette had moved on and thus give up on winning Zero's heart back .

Not to mention , even if the brunette managed to confront Zero about it , the latter would get defensive and tell him something along the lines of ' why do you care ? Who are you to interrogate me ? In case you forgot it , you were one to break up with me . '

It was easy to imagine what kind of scenario would ensue - they'd end up arguing intensely and might hurt one another inadvertently - .

Isaya wanted to sigh just thinking of it .

That aside though , he'd expected Zero to agree with him and show some sort of displeasure . He'd expected to hear him saying ' it's just a rumor and would soon fade out . After all , we are not together . What happened with Akatsuki was a mistake , a result of both of us being drunk . '

But the elder just hummed once more

Isaya started thinking Zero might be drifting to sleep .

Well , there was only one way to find out .

" Do you think kaname saw it ? "

He tensed up and almost regretted asking that when a brief silence met him at first .

" I don't think . I know . " for the first time , Zero's answer changed , but it still carried the same amount of nonchalance and resignation his earlier responses had .

Even the sound of something crashing and Isaya gasping did not phase him .

Any other day he might have guilty .

" WHAT ?! how ? " the younger exclaimed , his voice rising and then growing distant , Zero guessed he was probably cleaning the mess of whatever he'd just broken accidentally . Might be a cup or something ..

Well , whatever ..

" we were together .. But now he's gone and I doubt he's coming back . "

The silverette explained , his words said in a slow manner , separated by a few seconds , as if he had no energy and no breath to say it all oneshot . Isaya couldn't blame him .

" Oh.. " the younger trailed off before adding " Do you want me to come over ? "

The elder's rejection came immediately and once more , Isaya couldn't blame him .

" No .. There's no need . I'm going to sleep . I want this terrible day to come to an end ."

It was truly ironic how Life could be smiling at you one moment and the next it could be the cruelest backstabbing bitch ever , punching you in the gut and snatching away every morsel of happiness it might have just offered you ..

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The following morning , somewhere else , a certain blonde haired male stood in the kitchen of his friend's apartment , preparing coffee for both of them . He knew Kaname would wake up in a few moments and would , without doubt , suffer a glorious hangover.

Being the good friend he always have been , Takuma poured a glass of water , opened one of the drawers and took painkillers from it , his mind wandering back to the events of the night before .

Kaname had called him , seemingly drunk , admitting he felt like shit , which , at that moment , Takuma did not find surprising . The rumors about Zero and Kain were there wherever one looked . Everyone was talking about it everywhere . The blonde author could tell the pictures were not fabricated but that didn't necessarily mean Zero was dating Kain .. There could be an explanation . Being together in a certain hotel wasn't proof enough they were in a secret relationship . Still , that wouldn't stop the doubts from plaguing Kaname's head . His sudden need to drink confirmed that much .

What Takuma did not know , however , was that Kaname's mother has just been hospitalized and didn't have much time left . She'd called her son and asked him to visit because she wasn't feeling well . When kaname got there , he realized it was more serious than he'd expected and insisted to take her to hospital and there , the doctors gave him the biggest shock of his life .

The brunette male did not take the news well , it was bad enough he'd just felt the pain of heartbreak after learning that a certain silverette has-

God ! It was terrible ..

He'd ended up drinking and drinking ..

He probably didn't recall it but he'd actually tried to kiss Takuma , only to find himself getting shoved away and yelled at , to which he snapped back ' If he could sleep around , why can't I ?' before bursting into tears and revealing everything to his friend .

Takuma had lent him his shoulder to cry on , feeling immeasurably sorry . Kaname's life was taking a very bad turn indeed . His mother may be gone any moment , and his love life offered no consolation .

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A day later : Press conference :

Zero has always hated the press . And at the moment , his hatred for it seemed to have quadrupled , if that was possible .

Not only did they ruin his reputation with a badge of shame that would seemingly never him alone , they have also shattered his relationship with Kaname -for good- .

 _Now everyone suspects I'm a homo . And Kaname thinks I cheated on him_. the silverette reflected mournfully .

He was tempted to come out of the closet and admit that he was indeed homosexual but he couldn't , because the scandal involved another innocent person whose reputation would be ruined in the middle . Zero wasn't selfish enough to do that .

Being rude enough to do everything in his power for the sake of avoiding Akatsuki was one thing and destroying the guy's repute was a total other .

Luckily , Ruka decided to interfere during the conference and clearly stated she was in fact supposed to accompany the other two males but couldn't because of personal reasons . When pressured by the journalists to reveal what kind of reason , she told the truth . she had to attend a funeral , one of her relative's .

That seemed to shut them up , especially since Ruka dressed in black acquired a deep significance then .

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" .. So nothing happened between you and Akatsuki ? you ruined your chance with Kaname for no reason ? What kind of luck is that ? " Isaya questioned in disbelief , having been rendered speechless at first .

In response to that , Zero merely smiled before commenting " Life has a twisted sense of humor . "

He'd just heard the truth from Kain awhile ago and all he could do was sit still and space out .

He'd been trying his best to avoid the flame haired actor until he decided it was about time he stopped running away like a child and finally agreed to meet him .

But nothing could have prepared for the words Kain told him . He didn't know how to describe his emotional state after that but he knew he must have looked like shit because it took a lot of convincing to stop the copper haired male from worrying about him . It was even more difficult to get him to leave . But Zero managed it , somehow .

And now instead of Kain , Isaya was sitting in front of him , displaying the same reaction Zero himself had shown minutes earlier .

" Aren't you going to tell him ? " the younger couldn't help but ask even though he already knew how Zero's mind -and heart - worked .

True enough , the silverette instantly replied " Why would I ? It's not like he would believe me . Besides , I'm never going to forgive him for doubting me and trampling on my dignity . I have that thing called pride and feelings which he has completely destroyed with that accusation of his . Do you really expect me to go and plead him to hear the truth ? What am I ? A kicked out puppy that keeps going to the very owner that abandoned it ? "

 _Kaname , listen to me . Nothing happened that night . It was a misunderstanding on my part ._. _Chances are he would believe me right away_ . _How humiliating would that be !_ Zero inwardly mocked before widening his eyes when he realized something .

" Isaya , don't even think about telling him . If kaname finds out , I will know it's you that told him and you wouldn't like my attitude if that happened . " The silver haired male warned in a serious tone , never relaxing until the younger promised him he wouldn't say a single word to Kaname .

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Few days later :

Having parked the car about a minute ago , Zero tapped his fingers nervously against the steering wheel . He was not ready to face kaname .. He really wasn't .. but he had to .. And Isaya seemed to think the same .

" Come on , Zero . We have to go . " The younger urged , already removing the seat belt and getting out of the car .

The silverette let out a deep breath before doing the same , dreading the rest of the day .

About ten minutes later Zero found himself struggling not to break down when he stood in front of a certain brunette and whispered " My Condolences . "

Kaname did not seem to recognize him at the moment . He wore a distant look and reacted to everyone who came to him expressing their sympathy in the same manner . the silverette did not find it in him to feel hurt at that . True , he'd wanted to be there for the elder .. he'd wanted to comfort him .. But it was not the time to think of that , he realized .

He couldn't even begin to imagine what Kaname was going through .

Some people expected him to wear sunglasses , to mask his vulnerability , to stand tall and proud , to smile even in adversity . But Zero knew better .

The brunette couldn't care less about that issue .. why would he ? His mother was gone . He couldn't think about anything else .. If it wasn't for Takuma , Kaname would probably still be in the hospital where he received the news , captive to shock , denial , and grief .

It still came as a shock , even though he'd already known it was going to happen sooner or later , even though he should have been prepared ..

That's just how death is like , right ?

No matter how much you think you are prepared to let go , you aren't .

There exists no such thing as a less painful farewell . Knowing about her condition beforehands did not make it easier .

In fact , it made every waking moment that much harder , in Kaname's opinion .

Whenever he went to visit her , his thoughts repeated themselves .

 _This might be the last time I feel her warmth and hear her voice ._

 _This might be the last time I see her smile , her eyes , just her_ ..

And every time he thought of that , he ended up drowning further in despair , because he was powerless to change any of it .

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A week later :

" I really think you should tell Kaname nothing happened between you and Kain . " Isaya spoke over the phone as he signaled for the waiter to go and serve a particular table . the restaurant felt like his second home . It was his after all and he loved being personally in charge of it rather than hiring a manager for it .

You may ask why and he'd explain ' As the saying goes , if you want something well done , do it yourself . '

He heard Zero sighing before disagreeing " No way , Isaya . It hasn't been a month since his mother passed away . I'm sure he would not appreciate any more drama in his life . "

If only he knew it was too late to say that .

The younger shook his head at that and twisted his lips to the side before conceding and ending the phone call .

When he turned around , he froze .

" Kaname ? "

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Zero was playing with his ginger kitty that he still couldn't come up with a name for when the doorbell rang , confusing him .

He wasn't expecting someone .. Maybe it was Isaya . Who else would visit him ?

 _What a glorious social life I have , right_?

Mocking himself , the silverette made his way towards the front door and gazed through the peephole , widening his eyes when he saw a brown haired male standing there .

His body recoiled at that .

Question marks filled his head as he contemplated what to do .

His hand moved on its own and before he knew it , he was already twisting the door handle and facing Kaname .

The brunette wasted no time asking for answers .

" Why didn't you tell me ?"

Silver eyebrows furrowed in confusion at that until Zero took the hint but he still chose to feign ignorance and asked " What do you mean ? "

Kaname did not seem to find that answer amusing or satisfying . But he really didn't have the energy to snap at the younger so he spoke up calmly .

" I heard Isaya . He was obviously talking to you . "

the silverette could only curse his luck - inwardly - as he heard that .

Not only did Kaname find out , he was also confronting him about it .

Well , he had no right .

" Would you have believed me ? " Zero retorted back , still holding the door handle , lilac eyes daring the elder to lie .

Before Kaname could even part his lips , Zero spoke up once more , interrupting him .

" Don't you dare lie . We both know you wouldn't have . Don't lie just to win this argument . You wouldn't mean it .. "

He did not yell , on the contrary , his tone had been calm , firm and unrelenting , but calm .

Kaname did not respond , at least not verbally .

He took a step forward and allowed himself inside , confusing the silverette with his actions .

" I know that apologizing won't change much or heal your disappointment in me .. but .. I'm sorry , I really am . "

Towards the end of his words , Kaname found himself leaning closer and dropping his head on the younger's shoulder , feeling utterly defeated .

Zero's grip on the door handle loosened as he widened his eyes ever so slightly and gulped before pursing his lips and hesitating .

In the end , he couldn't help but pull the depressed brunette closer and patting his back .

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3002 words

updated 31 dec , 2017

Some of the scenes were planned and partially written a long time ago , like the first one and the press conference part , along with the one when zero revealed the truth he'd heard from Kain to Isaya . Takuma's scene in Kaname's kitchen was planned too but not written .

I started working on this 29 dec and finished it on 30 dec at night . but the time flew by and now it's already 31 dec .. Any ways .

you guys probably think it doesn't matter when or how I did this and that . But I still wanted to explain it ~

Thank you for reading .


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